The Movie Empress

This will be a good start to the workweek.

73 presenters.  I'm taking bets on when the show ends.  I say 12:38.

Hosts

I realized tonight that this marks my 20th year of devoted Oscar viewing.  And at least my 13th year of viewing them in close communication with my Grand Vizier.  Perhaps she remembers exactly.  I haven't conferred with her to see if she agrees with this ranking of the past 20 years of hosts.

1. Billy Crystal.  Above and beyond all others and may he return soon.
2. Jon Stewart
3. Steve Martin
4. Hugh Jackman
5. Whoopi Goldberg
6. Chris Rock
7. David Letterman

5, 6, & 7 drop a considerable amount from 4, just as 3 & 4 drop a considerable amount from 2. 

I should add that I have serious reservations about tonight because I particularly loathe Alec Baldwin. 

Grand Vizier, would you be so kind as to weigh in?

Revolutionary or regressive?

Oscar brings back "and the winner is."

The Empress Predicts

Picture:  The Hurt Locker

Director:  Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker

Original Screenplay:  The Hurt Locker

Adapted Screenplay:  Up in the Air

Actor:  Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart

Actress:  Meryl Streep, Julie & Julia

Supporting Actor:  Christoph Waltz, Inglorious Basterds

Supporting Actress:  Mo'Nique, Precious

Foreign language film:  The White Ribbon

Animated feature:  Up

Documentary feature:  The Cove

Editing:  The Hurt Locker

Sound Editing:  The Hurt Locker

Sound Mixing:  The Hurt Locker

Visual Effects:  Avatar

Art Direction:  Avatar

Cinematography:  The Hurt Locker

Costume Design:  The Young Victoria

Makeup:  Star Trek

Score:  Up

Song:  "The Weary Kind" from Crazy Heart

Live Action Short:  Kavi

Animated Short:  A Matter of Loaf and Death

Documentary Short:  Music by Prudence

And a couple of personal notes.  The Empress is pulling hard for Meryl Streep, but thinks it would be really, really great if Gabourey Sidibe broke through the Streep/Bullock heat for a win.  And the Empress is also really, really tired of Mo'Nique, whose speeches aren't really ringing all that sincere in their efforts to be "humble."  It's okay not to be humble, so long as you don't try so hard to sound like you are.  So, even though it's not going to happen, a Vera Farmiga moment would just be so satisfying.

That having been said, a note on the fashion, which as we know is the Empress' favorite topic.  She is most eagerly awaiting the choices by the two women of Precious, who have shown up at every event looking lovely and elegant in colors and cuts that are flattering yet unapologetic.  It really says something when the pencil-sized actresses who have every outfit imaginable at their disposal so often manage to show up in something hideous while these two new-to-the-red-carpet faces have been dressed to best advantage despite the perceived limits placed on them by their size. 

A brief explanation is needed for the references to "Salma's Dream" that the Empress will likely make throughout the broadcast.  It is a long-standing joke between the Empress and her Grand Vizier, and the origins are described here.

Ten pictures - 5 songs + 2 hosts + 2 dance numbers + that awful presentation format from last year in the acting categories = a ceremony that will supposedly not run over?  HAH!

And, finally, a heartfelt wish.  Please, please, please, may James Cameron not have opportunity to take the podium.  My heart, it will not go on. 

Here we go again.

The Empress slept through the nominations this morning -- a shocking lapse that indicates she has lost all track of time.  Her main reaction upon reading the list was, "Holy Shit, Melissa Leo!"  (The Empress has a great fondness for Homicide and Kay Howard.)  The Empress also realized she has not seen a single one of the films that received a major nomination.  She might rectify this, although she generally does better in the pools if she doesn't.  At any rate, the season is here again, woot woot!

And we're done... before midnight.

Which is more than we can say for last year.  The Grand Vizier and I were just saying that they really need to kick it up a notch -- either in funny or tacky or spectacle or something. But YOU were all fabulous.  We would not have had ANY FUN without you.  Or Salma's dream.  Thanks for reading, really and truly!

Oh, sure, NOW he smiles.

Apparently Cormac only smiles for really BIG awards.  Did anyone else see him mouth the words, "I'm rich, bee-yotch?"

Perhaps...

...Cormac McCarthy has hemorrhoids.

Daniel, Part II

Daniel Day-Lewis just kissed George Clooney.  I hardly know of whom to be more jealous. 

Or Helen Mirren, to have him kneel in front of her. 

A very gracious speech, although I believe Isabelle Adjani is going to track him down and bludgeon him one of these days.

enough

Johnny Depp is either eating chicken wings or he's chewing gum, too.  Do they give out chiclets at the entrance?